Do you struggle with parent guilt?
I think if we are honest, we would have to say, we've all been there!
You know, when your teen does something that you deem to be unacceptable and suddenly, you are calling yourself the worst Mom on the planet!?!?
It's fascinating how we talk to ourselves and what responsibilities we take on as our own!
We somehow think we "should" be able to control our teens.
We somehow think our teens are intentionally trying to irritate us and embarrass us.
We think we "should" have perfect, respectful teens, who sit in a nice little row, smiling through adversity, and quoting Bible verses.
Guess, what?!?! This is not reality, Mom! We are in a constant state of learning how to parent. What worked when they were elementary age kids, no longer works for the teenager. We need to adjust our course in order to effectively communicate with our teen.
Why is this? Your teen is growing and developing, and part of this growth and development is separation from you as a Mom.
I get it: it's painful. You ask why would they do this to me? I'm here to tell you that they are NOT THINKING ABOUT YOU at all! Teenagers are more concerned about their own circles, their own friends, and a sense of belonging to a group outside us! This is part of growing up when your brain is still not fully developed!
What happens when we experience Mom's guilt? We tend to parent out of fear. We control. We nag. We worry. We lecture. We teach. We hide what's happening from our fellow Moms!
What is the result of this fear-based parenting? They pull away even more and we figure we need to tighten up the control. We feel alone!
It's a cycle that you can break!
For starters, ask yourself some questions and consider how you can shift your thinking.
✔️Is it true that my teens should behave perfectly all the time? If yes, are your expectations realistic? Do you behave perfectly all the time?
✔️Is it true that your teen's failure is your fault? What part did you play in their failure?
✔️What if your teen's failure is just an opportunity for them to grow?
✔️What if failing during their teen years is the best time they could fail?
✔️How do you react when you believe you are to blame for your teen's actions? Is that reaction serving you?
✔️What if you looked at their failures through the glasses of compassion?
Your kid's failures and setbacks DO NOT make you a failure as a Mom!
PS: I work with Moms to help them BE the one to love well....themselves, others, and God. I'd love to talk with you and hear your story.....You can book your free breakthrough call here. https://bookme.name/LivingFullLifeCoaching/doreen-steenland