A common mistake most Moms make is that they jump in to rescue their teens and young adults from pain and consequences. Now, being a Mom of young adults, I get it......the urge is always there to step in and take control of the situation. The truth is that when we jump into action immediately, we prevent them from growing into independent adults.
The cost of jumping into action often leads to decreased self-esteem in our young adults. The unintentional message we are sending them is this: they are not capable of handling this problem, I don't trust you, I don't believe in you. Now, Moms, I know we would never want to send this message to our kids, however, that is the message they receive when we over function and jump into action prematurely.
What if there was a way to give your young adult more breathing room in a very specific way that would demonstrate our trust and belief in them, and does not leave you or your young adult feeling uncared for? You see, when we respond to our young adult's pain and consequences this way, it will accelerate their growth and independence. Part of the process is learning to shift responsibility from us to them, without just letting them flop and flounder! When we respond to our teens in this way, it opens up our relationship with them for more depth and empowers them towards success as they learn problem-solving skills.
You are probably thinking right now of all the terrible things that will happen if you do not step into action! They might have costly consequences if you don't intervene. What if that were true? What if they experienced consequences right now in high school, while they were under your roof, that they are destined to experience later in life when you are not around to intervene? What if they failed that test because they choose to play video games instead of studying? What life lesson might come from this? What healthy habits might they desire to develop because they felt the pain of failure early on?
You see, often, we don't learn lessons until we have the first-hand experience with them. When we jump in to solve the problems our young adults do not learn how to problem solve and think critically for themselves. Then we become perplexed when they go off to college, make poor decisions that cost you $40,000 a year. What if we choose to step back from being smother mothers and allow them to learn by natural consequences?
The result would be young adults who have developed resilience and have learned to problem-solve creatively. How do I know? I know because Moms just like you have gone through my Countdown to launch program and reported those very results after they developed some new skills for parenting their teens and young adults.
Like Andrea, whose son was camping out in his room and while she did all the work! Their relationship was not what she had dreamed it should be. She felt like all she did was nag him to do his work, to do his chores, and the result was him hiding in his room to escape her constant demands.
After going through the six-month program, her son emerged from his room and actually created a huge project all on his own....soup to nuts! He had the idea, he implemented the project and took on a leadership role with his friends to carry it out. The result was amazing! He carried out his dream and had developed pride in his work and Mom was so proud of him. His self-esteem grew along with his independence. There were obstacles during the process and he figured them out all by himself. The cool thing is Mom secretly captured the project on film and proudly showed me what her son is capable of. The joy in her eyes told the whole story.