When you and your spouse have conflict do you use the silent treatment as a tool? If so, you may want to consider some new tools for your toolbox.
Many of us grew up using this tactic because we saw it modeled for us, but it's not too late to change that pattern of behavior. There is hope!
💥When we use the silent treatment in response to a conflict, it is for one of two outcomes: punishment or control. Yikes!
💡Think about this for a minute, what are the chances that you would desire to solve a conflict if you felt punished or controlled? Pretty slim! Maybe that's why resolution does not take place in so many relationships.
🤔Now, if you are the type that needs space to process, you need to use words to communicate this need.
🤓You may say something like this, "I'm going to need a few minutes to process my feelings and thoughts around this topic. I'd like it if we could come back together in an hour and discuss this when we have worked through our emotions and thoughts."
⏰The other spouse should respect that need, no questions asked. The key is to be sure you keep your promise to return to the table! We need to remember that we are all wired differently, that's what makes us unique and that is what attracted you to your spouse.
🧠Communicating this with your spouse removes the threat of separation and punishment, which allows each party to solve this conflict from the Pre-frontal cortex instead of the Fight, flight or freeze center of the brain.
👂When you come back to the table, practice listening to understand, not judge. It's easy to think we know what the real issue at hand is.
What if we came to the table with curiosity instead of an all knowing attitude?
What if we came to the table to learn and grow from each other?
What's your biggest struggle in this area?