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Elephant in the room

Are you irritated with your spouse?

I think we can all say this is true of all of us from time to time. We must consider what is behind the irritation?

What is the thing that causes you and your spouse to lock horns?

What is your elephant in the room?

Might it be that you have expectations that are not being met?

Our expectations are a tricky thing. Some are reasonable, and some are not, so how do I determine which one is true for me?

A great start is to pause when you are feeling irritated with your spouse. Ask yourself, "what am I expected that is not lining up with reality?" This will help us determine the "issue" and you have the words to articulate to your spouse.

Once you know what the issue is, ask yourself a few more questions. 1. Have I communicated my expectation with my spouse in the past? Or am I expecting a mind reading session?

Next ask yourself: 2. Is my expectation reasonable or unreasonable? Try to be objective but putting yourself in the other person's shoes. 3. How would you feel if your spouse had the same expectation for you? 4. Where did this expectation come from (is this something your Mom always did while you were growing up?)?

Now that you have the facts, ask yourself how to proceed with your spouse. THINK before you speak.

How will you discuss what you discovered about yourself?

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Doreen Steenland 
101 Brighton Ave.
Spring Lake NJ 07762



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