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What expectations are you carrying with you in your relationships?

Expectation defined is anticipating and expecting that someone will or should achieve something.

Our expectations are like an invisible rule book that we live by; they are the unspoken rules of our life. The funny thing about expectations is that not all people share the same ones! These expectations are embedded in our brains and are hardwired since our childhood.

When people don't meet our expectations, we can become offended, insulted, hurt, angry, feel unloved and disappointed. However, the truth is that most people have no idea why you are insulted, hurt, angry, or disappointed because your expectations are different than theirs.

I once had a family member angry at me for not doing something they thought I should have done to celebrate a situation. Now, I celebrated the situation, but not how they expected me to celebrate it. In their minds, they had an unspoken rule book that I was supposed to know about.

This especially comes to play in the marital relationship. Each spouse comes with their hardwired rule book. The key to understanding these differences is to communicate.

Our spouses are not mind-readers, we need to communicate about some of those well-worn pathways in our brains so that we can arrive at compromises and show respect as we acknowledge our unique differences.

What parts of your invisible rule book do you need to share with those closest to you?

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Doreen Steenland 
101 Brighton Ave.
Spring Lake NJ 07762


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