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Fight fair!

Marriage can be tough sometimes, then when you think about adding the dynamic of kids, it gets tougher. Many personalities, differences, and preferences make for conflict at times.

How do we respond when our kids witness us having a "growth moment" with our spouses?

During this time, there are a few things to remember about how our kids can grow from watching us resolve a conflict.

1. Train our kids to use X, Y, Z communication. "When we are at dinner (X) and you are on the phone (Y), I feel disrespected (Z). This type of communication puts the ball in the other party's court to respond to how an action made you feel or think. We are attacking the problem; NOT THE PERSON.

2. When we communicate like this clearly we are stating the problem in a non-accusatory tone, which allows us to think of solutions together.

3. Remember, if our kids see that a conversation gets heated without resolution, it concerns them. Be sure to let them see forgiveness and restoration in action; this will provide the stability they need to see us model. Asking for forgiveness when you have hurt or wronged someone is the right thing to do.

What tips do you have for resolving conflict with your spouse?

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Doreen Steenland 
101 Brighton Ave.
Spring Lake NJ 07762



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