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Learning to say "No"


What open doors do you need to walk right past?

Just because a door is open, doesn't mean it's yours to walk through. Think about it: Every day, people open doors for us and invite us into their drama, their problems, their "opportunities", their work, their vision, and their desires for us.

Why do we avoid saying "NO"? Sometimes we avoid saying "no" because we want to avoid conflict, but by doing so, we are creating internal conflict. Every time we say yes to someone else's vision, we say 'no' to something of our own vision, our own family, our own priorities.

Other times we avoid saying "no" because we want to please people. When we say "yes" to fit in, be liked by others, and to be accepted, when we really want to say "no"; we are headed for resentment and bitterness. Why is this? Because we are saying yes for all the wrong reasons.

At times, we avoid saying "no" for FOMO (fear of missing out). We are bombarded, daily, with things we "should" do. Whenever we feel ourselves thinking, "I should do this", pause. We could fill every moment of our day with things others want for us. What if we focused on JOMO (the Joy of missing out) to really discover what's important for us and our families?

How do we learn to say no?

Step One: Pause. Just because we live in an instant society, doesn't mean every answer is urgent. Learn to slow down enough to discern if this is the right opportunity for you to be engaging your time in.

Step Two: If you decide you need to say "no"; don't lie to avoid conflict (this will lead to guilt and regret & its wrong). You don't need to apologize or give all sorts of reasons why you have to say no; its part of Self Care. Just say: "this won't work for me right now" or "this won't fit in my schedule at this time". This way, you say no without using the word no; our brains receive those answers better. Easy peasy.

Step Three: Be polite and respectful to those who ask you for your involvement. Remember, no one likes rejection. You can say no and be respectful at the same time.

Step Four: Remember, your worth is not determined by what you do for other people. There is plenty of good to be done and plenty of people you can help in this world. Find the good that fits with your plan, your people, and your goals. Keep your eyes fixed on the One that determines your worth.

What other ways have worked for you as you practice saying No?


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