Notice the effect of NO

leadership mindset and goals neuroscience personal development working moms Oct 28, 2021

“Improve the way that you deal with the discomfort of being told no. Stop trying to talk people into saying yes. RESPECT boundaries”. “Nedra Glover Tawwab”


By now, I guess you are seeing a theme in my writing this week.  The topic is learning to say and receive the answer NO.  


Our brains automatically respond to the word “no'' in a reactive way with more of a threat response.  When we are in a high alert, threat mode of thinking, it makes it hard to listen, understand, respond empathetically, connect or make good decisions on the spot.  This automatic stress response just wants to keep you safe under the threat. 


On the contrary, the “yes brain” (Siegel/Bryson) has different circuits activated in your brain when you hear the word Yes.  ‘It leads to receptivity rather than reactivity.  When we hear the word yes, we are more likely to connect with others, have flexibility in the midst of challenges, absorb new information, assimilate new information and solve problems from a place of harmony versus us vs. them mindset. This way of thinking encourages curiosity, courage, and resilience.’ (Siegel/Bryson) 


Right now, you are probably saying to yourself, of course, having yes all the time leads to entitlement and is not realistic. I would agree.  This is not about getting everything we want all the time, but this is about resilience and learning how to handle disappointments when you do not get the answer you would desire.  


For today, focus on the idea that when someone says no to you, your brain will treat it as a threat.  


Notice where in your body you feel the tension. 


Notice what’s going on for you internally.


Notice your breathing. Slow your breathing down and deepen it. 


Notice why someone having boundaries is disturbing to you.


Notice where you may be able to respond intentionally and with flexibility.


Notice what other possibilities exist.


Notice what things you are thinking that may not include the whole truth.


Notice what you are feeling and ‘name it so you can reframe it’. (Siegel)


What have you discovered about yourself with this self-reflection exercise?


#livingfullllifecoaching #IPNB #neuroscience #brainscience #resilience #integration #wholeness #boundaries #reflect #EQ