Becoming That Place for Your TeenOct 19, 2021
🙌“Parenting is not about raising children who never make mistakes. It’s about being a safe place for them when they do.”
In my work with parents of teens, tweens, and twenties, I see a common theme. It's the idea that we need to protect our kids from making mistakes or experiencing any kind of pain. This leads some moms to the “OVER/UNDER CYCLE”, where they OVER function in the kids' lives.
A parent who OVER functions is a parent who is sending a message to their young adult. The message is, I don’t think you can handle this, so I need to step in. The message is, if I let you do it, you will fail. The message is you don’t have what it takes to solve this problem.
These messages undermine your young adult's progress towards independence. It shakes their confidence and instead of looking to you for support when they mess up, they look for you to take over or clean up the mess, and they shrink back and develop a fixed mindset.
The flip side is the parent who UNDER functions. They are missing in action.
Both the OVER AND UNDER CYCLES, create instability in your kid’s lives.
What if you chose another way?
🙌What if instead of OVER OR UNDER functioning, you choose the route of empowerment?
🙌In order for you to step into the role of coach or guide for your child, you need to begin with yourself. You need to learn how to manage your thoughts and emotions, so you can show up for your kids and be that safe place for them to land when they make mistakes.
🙌It means showing up for your kids in a way that is curious and non-judgmental. In a way, that cares more about the process or journey than the results.
🙌In a way, that is seeking to understand who they are, what drives them, and what their intrinsic motivations are.
🙌Parenting young adults is undercover detective work, where you become an undercover detective. Your role is not to interrogate the prisoner, but to discover the truth about how your kid is wired to change the world and build them up in it.
🙌Your role is to seek to understand the world they are living in, the struggles they are facing (from their perspective), and empower them to think critically to solve problems and make wise decisions.
🙌Taking a coach approach to parent your teens, tweens, and young adults and became a safe place for them to learn and land is what I'm passionate about helping women do.
🙌Quitting this OVER/UNDER pattern will increase the connection in your home.
FYI: where one OVER/UNDER CYCLE exists, there are usually others following close behind.
🙌If this is you and you need to learn how to become a safe place as you balance this transition in your parenting role, please reach out, I’d love to help.
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